I love my family!

Though it seems to many like I am very detached from my family, the truth is I feel really at home and connected to my extended family. I really have a fun family, and nothing lifts my spirits more than family gatherings with game night.

On Labor Day, the whole family celebrated my nephew Brandon’s fourth birthday. The whole family from both sides came over to spoil the only grandchild on my mom’s side, and only the first of two on my dad’s side of the family. And it is great to be adored and imitated by a nephew who wants to be like Uncle Tony, going so far as using birthday money to buy a Doctors Playset, complete with white coat!

Anyway, the whole family came over… all of them. My dad’s two sisters and his mom and step-dad all came over. My mom’s mom and her brother and sister and their spouses came over. We had a young cousin, and another cousin and her boyfriend. And of course, my sister and brother-in-law were there. Add to that three family friends, and we had a house full.

After afternoon gatherings like these, whether it be birthday parties, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, many in the family stay late, grazing on left-over food, and playing games. Some classics that are often played include Outburst, Scategories, and Taboo.

Long after Brandon crashed from his adrenaline high opening presents, half the family stayed and played Scategories. Wow! It was hilarious! We are a fairly generous group in this game, to say the least… where “nuts” and “nuts, beer” –always shared as ‘nuts comma beer’- are both accepted, as well as “loopy” as a “state.” It is rather amusing, with lots of cracking on each other… especially when my cousin’s new boyfriend comes up with “Princess” for the category “Costume beginning with with the letter ‘P’,” my sister comes up with “whip” for the category of weapon, my 60 year old uncle comes up with “New Kids on the Block” for musical group, and I come up with “lusty” as a personality trait beginning with ‘L’! You can imagine the conversation and laughter that is generated from such things.

What makes it so great is the shared experiences through the years, growing up together and spending so much time together. There are no major grudges or strained relationships that would ever require special planning and arranged seating to keep certain people away from each other. Though my dad’s side of the family is VERY different from my mom’s side, they all get along and expect to see each other regularly. And there is a lack of pretentiousness and defensiveness that is wonderful and comforting. Even my sister and I can rag on each other in a playful way during these times.

Although there are lots of deeper reasons why I love my family – from the caring and sharing to the genuine love and support to the generally positive attitudes- I think the times of laughter are the best example, because the laugher is deeper and longer because of the other things. I do have a hard time coming home, because it is hard for me to leave the proximity of the fun. True, these fun gatherings aren’t frequent. But, certainly, they are more frequent than I can attend being out in Ohio. I do miss my family, and savor every opportunity like this night to spend with them in peace, sharing, and most of all, laughter. I hope that if I have children, they will be surrounded by such a set of deeply loving and committed family (biological and spiritual) as I have been blessed with.

A Forced (but needed) Respite

It has been way too long in writing. I have needed to write, not just to update a little-read blog, or even to update the few friends that read this blog. No, I have needed to write as a process of digestion of what has occurred in the last several months.

As I start writing this, I am in the Atlanta airport, waiting for a connecting flight from Akron to Phoenix. It has been nearly one year since I have been back in Phoenix. That was a relaxing week spent with my family in the White Mountains of Arizona, and I think fondly on that week. Due to a variety of circumstances which I hope to elucidate in the next several posts, I have not had the vacation time nor the money to travel much in the last year, much less get back to Phoenix. I would not be making this trip now to spend over a week in Phoenix if it were not for the fact that my dad is having his hip replaced on Wednesday, September 3, and he paid for me to come out to be with the family during this anticipated rough week.

So, this was an unexpected respite, but one that is greatly needed. There is not a whole lot planned for much of the week, and I hope to spend much of my needed down time blogging about the last year. Topics I hope to touch on, if ever so briefly, include:

1. My best friend’s theo-philosophical journey
2. A huge job change and transition
3. A fun “business” trip to Denver with two great friends
4. My relationship with my wonderful girlfriend, Carey
5. The attempt at selling my house and future plans
6. Provoking thoughts about regarding theology provoked by a history book
7. My philosophical wranglings with atheism
8. The state of my spiritual journey and exciting trajectories
9. Thoughts about Obama and Palin in the current presidential races

This is an ambitious list, and I’m not likely to get to all of these, but by listing them, it provides a goal. Hopefully, this exercise will provide some clarity on some of these issues, for me if not anyone else.

I guess I still love Arizona...

Or at least parts of it. I am so impressed with the Show Low/Pinetop-Lakeside area. Estimates put the population of Show Low at about 10,000, and Pinetop-Lakeside at about 5,000. So these twin contiguous cites have a combined population of about 15,000. No doubt there is some additional people in surrounding unincorporated areas. But this is definitely not a major city. True, it is the largest “metro” area in east central Arizona. For my personal comparison, this area is a little smaller than Kirksville, Missouri, where I went to medical school. But this area is even further from the nearest major city (Phoenix is four hours away). Despite its small size, this community has nearly all the amenities that I would desire. It has several Mexican and Chinese restaurants, as well as a Thai restaurant and a Japanese hibachi grill/sushi bar. In terms of fast food, there is everything, from the national stuff (KFC, Taco Bell, Burger King, McDonalds, etc) to Western favorites (Jack in the Box and Samuri Sam’s). There is both a Lowes and a Home Depot. There is adequate shopping, and also 13 movie screens, plus an additional 4 discout theater screens. There is plenty of hiking, fishing, and land available. It is half an hour from a ski resort. The climate is amazing, too. At 6,300 feet above sea level, it stays relatively cool in the summer (mid to upper 80s), while getting very cold in the winter, with frequent snows. It is high desert, so it is very dry and sunny, but is “green” year round because of the Ponderosa pines.

True, I love cities. And I love Ohio and the green grass that just grows. Sometimes I hate “knowing” the other side of things, because I like both sides so much, sometimes I feel paralyzed. Thankfully, there is more to where you live than the climate or amenities. For me, right now, a faith community and friends who share my values and visions of the Kingdom are most important, and that is what makes Canton, Ohio, “home.”

My trip to the White Mountains of Arizona

We didn’t go on many vacations when I was growing up. Money was always tight, and so what trips we did take were usually local. One of those places that we would periodically go is the White Mountains area of east central Arizona, particularly Show Low and Pinetop-Lakeside. It is about 4 hours from Phoenix. We often would stay at this place called Lake of the Woods, a cabin resort. We would go up to Lake of the Woods, rent a cabin, and fish in the private lake, or drive to some of the surrounding lakes and fish. The area is entirely in Ponderosa Pines and Junipers. And, of course, it is considerably cooler than Phoenix, which is the ultimate treat.

Every few years or so, my immediate family would get together with my extended family and rent a larger cabin to spend a week. Last year, my family went to the White Mountains and decided to ask me to come this year. I decided to come, and so here I am. I’m in a 4 bedroom, 3 ½ bath cabin at Lake of the Woods. It is sunny and very dry, with highs in the 70s. I’m here with my parents; sister, brother-in-law, and nephew; and my aunt and uncle and two cousins. There are 8 adults, a 12 year old, and a 3 year old… spending an entire week under one roof. Amazingly, we are all still getting along.

My biggest issue is that I don’t have Sprint cell phone coverage here, nor do I have internet access. It is now day four of being in absolute communication blackout. I’ve only gone through minor withdrawals. ☺

It has been fun, and totally stress free. We haven’t been doing much, and there isn’t much of a schedule of events. So far, we have played games such as Scattergories, I have learned (and now love) poker (five card draw and Texas Hold’em), we have fished (though I haven’t… I just sit on the dock with everyone else), we’ve watched TV. My cousin and uncle and I went to the movies, my dad and sister and brother-in-law have gone to the Apache reservation down the road to the casino, and we went horseback riding yesterday. It has been great.

That reminds me. Horseback riding yesterday caused me to be somewhat conflicted. How? Because is flooded my mind with a powerful (as well as laughable and obsolete) self-image that I have had for year growing up. For some reason, ever since I was a little kid coming up to the Arizona “high-country,” I have had this comforting self-image or me riding a horse through a field, with mountains all around. It is fall, and a very crisp morning. I’m wearing jeans, a denim jacket, and a cowboy hat. I can see both my breath, as well as my horse’s. And I’m just trotting through the morning mist, enjoying the peace and solitude. For those who know me, it is obvious why this is an obsolete (and laughable) tableau. I’m too sociable to be a lone cowboy; I’m also too much of a city-boy. Nevertheless, the tableau is deeply embedded in my psyche, and causes me consternation as this image is contrasted with the reality of my life.

I have rambled enough. One final thought for now. The human body is totally amazing! After 4 days, I’m getting close to adapting to the high-altitude, dry air. At 6300 feet above sea level, I’m a mile higher than I’m used to. I was totally tired and had headaches for the first 3 days. My lips are still dry, and I’m having nose bleeds… but I can tell I’m adapting. Humans are one of the only creatures that can so quickly adapt into almost any environment.

35 Years of Marriage

January 6, 2007

Well, as promised, here are just a few pictures from my parent's 35th Anniversary Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony. They never had a real "wedding" or wedding pictures. They do now. It was a surprise for my mom from my sister and me. (My mom kind of figured something like this was going to renewal. For those who haven't read the previous post about this, my parents eloped to Alaska (where my dad was stationed in the Army) and got married at a Justice of the Peace.happen, as she obviously got the wedding dress.)

The day was perfect. It really was. God provided a beautiful, sunny Arizona day.

My parents met at a Phoenix College football game in October of 1971. My mom was in the Marching Band, and my dad was visiting his dad in Phoenix (he was on leave from the Army, stationed in Alaska). They dated for a week, and then wrote to each other for 2-3 months. Then, in early January of 1972, my mom boarded her first ever plane and flew to Alaska to marry my dad. (She had a picture of him in her hand as she got off the plane, as she had only seen him a few time a few months earlier. If any of you know my mom, you know that she is very creative and loves helping with weddings. That is why this was so special. She finally got the wedding she never had.

Mom and Dad, you are incredible. It has been rough, for all of us, but you stuck it out. May you have many more years of love and life together.

Love you,
Tony

Lessons of the Desert – Part 2: Living Close to the Land

This is me on January 1, 2007, outside my parent's house. Yes, their deciduous tree had not yet lost all its leaves; yes, the bushes are in bloom; and yes, it was actually warm enough to wear shorts.

The strangeness of this scene leads to another lesson that was driven home to me while in Arizona. It is the ability of people to collectively ignore the obvious rhythms and balance of the land.

Now, I'm one of the few people, perhaps, who really doesn't mind lots of rain and clouds. Don't get me wrong, it bears on my psyche like everyone else. But I have a rationale appreciation for it, especially coming from Arizona.

A few years ago this appreciation was crystallized as I spent time around Puget Sound. Several days there were, of course, cloudy. But as I gazed upon the ocean, the waves cresting, the rhythmic movement and the swirls of variegated color, I saw similar patterns in the clouds above. I felt comfort in the clouds as I saw them as an extension of the ocean. It was as though the ocean was giving itself to the land, in the form of clouds. As though the very essence of the ocean was above instead of beside the land. There is a great connection between the ocean and its defining life-giving water and its gift, clouds. To this day, I can look up at the rolling clouds and feel some of the same things I do when gazing upon the mighty ocean.

How does this have anything to do with the arid experience I had in Arizona? Many people who are from Arizona, and almost all who move there, are totally disconnected from the rhythm, cycles, and lessons of the Sonoran Desert. Settlements in deserts have historically been limited in size due to the limits of the environment. There is typically little wood for construction, the land is not as productive as other places, even with water, and there is a natural amount of water that is replenished, but this is rather limited. Phoenix gets an average of 7 inches of rain per year. Yuma gets only about 2 inches. But this matters little, now that we can import wood easily, dig deeper wells, and dam even more rivers. We have air conditioning and fertilizers and rapid importation of food. With trimmed yards, lots of concrete, air conditioned buildings and cars, sprinkler systems, and cookie-cutter neighborhoods, there is a complete disconnect from that delicate balance of the desert. There is no consideration of the drain and lack of water or the imbalance that rapid growth causes.

When I was in the Pacific Northwest, I felt keenly aware of that balance. Life needs water, and the ocean was willing to give it bountifully in the Pacific Northwest. Many look at that as a problem. Yet, historically, the Native Americans living in the Pacific Northwest were among the wealthiest, because of the abundance of nature. Other groups, such as the Hopi of the desert Southwest, have always been limited in number, scratching out a living on the dry, arid mesas of the high desert. But they have been able to survive the harsh environment because they live in harmony with it. There is balance.

Phoenix is a great place to live. There are no blizzards, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, etc. The year-long sunshine and warmth is attractive, especially for those with mood disorders and arthritis. But the ability of humanity to cut itself from contact and enmeshment with nature has allowed people to ignorantly offset the balance. I am drawn now to learning more about God's patterns in nature; what He gives through it, and what we are to learn from it. We are created as a part of, and from, the creation itself. I want to start living in more intimate relationship with the incredibly vibrant creation I find myself in. I want to live closer to the land.

Lessons of the Desert - Part 1: The Frenetic Folly of Flourishing Phoenix

I had the joyous opportunity of New Year's to visit my home town of Phoenix. I always enjoy seeing family and friends. And it amazes me how much has changed.

As many people know, the Valley of the Sun (a misnomer, as the metro area long ago "spilled over" several of the original boundary hills and mountains) is a sprawling metro area with almost 4 million people. Statistics I just heard a few weeks ago claimed that Arizona regained its title from Nevada as the fastest growing state. It now has about 6 million residents, and is just 300,000 people away from surpassing the political powerhouse of Massachusetts. The city of Phoenix itself is home to over 1.3 million people (making it the 6th largest U.S. city), is 475 square miles (the 10th largest by land size), and is the largest state capital in the nation (by population) [see Wikipedia entry].

All this growth is exciting. As many people know, a brand new NFL Stadium (the University of Phoenix Stadium) was home to the BCS Championship, and will host the 2008 Super Bowl.

This is a picture I took while driving around the area. The stadium is amazing... it has a retractable roof, but the field itself is on wheels, and rolls out to grow the grass in the sun, then slides into the stadium for play. Totally crazy! But as you can see, it was built in the middle of farm fields in Glendale. Growth is now frenetic around the new stadium. But this growth is draining the city center of Phoenix. At one time, downtown Phoenix was a ghost town after 6 pm. There was nothing but offices there. Then, in the 1990s, a revitalization was started. It made great progress as the new basketball arena and baseball field were built, and entertainment venues and restaurants followed. At that time, the Suns and Mercury basketball teams, the Diamondback baseball team, and the Coyotes hockey teams all played downtown. Condos and townhouses, and the business that cater to them, began infilling the area.

But this was not to last. The Coyotes play in a brand new arena just 1/2 mile north of the new Cardinal's stadium. And, as you can imagine, much of the energy of growth has now been diverted from the city center.


This is a look toward the stadium (the silver dome between the two palms) from the new Cabella's Showroom. This development is called Westgate, and is still being built. It includes movie theaters, condos/apartments, restaurants, and shops.

The whole area around the stadiums is being built up by the day. From the same parking lot as the above picture was taken from, you can see hundreds, if not thousands, of apartments being built.

All this frenetic growth is exciting. There is an incredible feeling being apart of something new. You can literally see the principle of "If you build it, they will come" in action. There is a strong siren call from the cranes and construction trucks.

But when I step back and look at what is happening, it seems to be so foolish. Most other metro areas have learned that if you continue to grow only at the periphery, the core dies, and the whole metro area suffers. Most are working to bring growth to the core areas of a city. This does several things. It brings jobs to areas devoid of opportunity, thus creating wealth not otherwise available. It makes mass transit more economical and effective. It creates more intense communities as people begin living in higher density than they would otherwise. I need not go on.

Phoenix's benefits and problems are myriad. Some of the biggest problems people face (severe pollution, traffic jams, lack of effective public transportation, lack of a cultural center, and lack of community) are made even worse by the sprawling growth of battling suburbs (Consider that Glendale, a western suburb, has over 230,000 people, while Mesa, an eastern suburb, has over 440,000 people! And that is just two of the 2o or so suburbs!)

The frenetic growth of Phoenix is exciting, and alluring. But I can't help to think of the folly of such outlying, unplanned, uncontrolled growth. I hope they learn soon.